If I finally found
the right words to say
would you still be here
or run away?

Would it be
so wrong
if all these years I probably
have felt this way all along?

My thoughts
keep stumbling
as you keep
mumbling.

But memories keep
on fading.
As I sit here
wondering and waiting.

Emotions are running
all over the place.
I try to but it's hard to
look at your face.

What I feel
I cannot explain.
It takes over me
and numbs my pain.

I've made it this far
on my own.
But I fear this pride
would leave me abandoned and alone.

I disappear
to avoid confessing the truth
as my burdens
steal years from my youth.

I can no longer
run and hide.
I cannot avoid
what I feel inside.

But I lost you
before even trying
I had let go
what remained underlying.

I destroyed
in natural defense.
A chronic impulse
at my own expense.

I gave you every reason
to feel repulsed.
I kept my distance
so that you couldn't get close.

Perhaps it's best now
if you forget.
Because this is the worst loss
I'll forever regret.