Remember when you were little and boys got the idea that girls got cooties and girls got the idea that boys got cooties? Well, you might've experienced going through that phase as a child, or at least experienced being in the presence of someone who thinks the opposite sex has "cooties". I thought it might be interesting talk a little about what I think about "cooties" and that maybe this "cootie" thing isn't just a "phase"; deep down inside some of us, with or without realizing it, think of or treat the opposite sex as if they did have "cooties."

"Circle. Circle. Dot. Dot. Now you have your cootie shot!"

I'm not sure if other cultures and countries has their own version of "cooties", but as a child attending schools in the US, I've been taught the word "cooties" from friends. I've also been taught the circle dot rhyme that accompanies bizarre drawings of 2 circles and 2 dots that supposedly act like a repellent, preventing us from obtaining any kind of cooties. I don't remember even getting an exact definition of "cooties", but it took one person to say "Boys got cooties!!!" for me to think "Eww!!! Boys got cooties! I gotta stay away from them!!!"

Before discovering about "cooties," I remember back, even when I was little, I kind of cringed being around boys. In kindergarden, a boy had the biggest crush on me. He used to wrap his arms around me and tell everyone that I was his girlfriend. All I remembered was his name, that he had curly dark hair-- and that I was scared. =p After he moved away, another boy made his move. I remembered going along with everything, and wanting to talk to this newcomer on the phone. I wouldn't say it was any sort of crush. That ended as soon as it started, when he found another girl who was the "pretty" girl. (Sound familiar to men these days???) I was somewhat confused to what had happened, and jealous of the pretty girl that the boy wanted, because every girl wants to feel pretty. He then became the last boy I chose to "hang out" with at the play ground for a long long time.

Ok, you're probably thinking... Why the heck is she writing this??? What is her point?? Well, whatever my point I'm making... it's for you to decide! So just keep reading... it only gets better!

One day, a friend came up to me saying, "Give me your hand." Suspecting her that she was going to pull some sort of prank... I put my hand out anyways. She drew out her pen, chanted as she drew, "Circle. Circle. Dot. Dot. Now you have your cootie shot!" My first thoughts were... "What the heck did u just do to my hand??? You made my hand messy!" But then she explained, "I just gave you a cootie shot so you won't get any cooties from any boys." Relieved, I thanked appreciatively as if she were a doctor who found a remedy to cure and prevent me from getting cooties. Finally! It made perfect sense to me, that it's a very good thing to stay away from boys!

After a couple months or years, everyone in the same grade as me, seemed to have "gotten rid of" the "cootie" phase. Somewhere around 5th grade, I've noticed a huge change in my friends: many of my (girl) friends started hooking up and flirting with the boys who were acting like Mr. Suavos. Everyone seemed to be dating everyone as if the end of the world was tomorrow! I was terrified and mortified, by this idea at first, but after awhile hmm..., I thought,I guess boys don't have "cooties" anymore.

I started to talk to a boy, during recess, notoriously known for being a "bad boy." At that time, I didn't know he was a "bad boy" because, in fact, he was a nice boy-- hansome too. So day after day, I would talk to him during recess and share my snacks with him. I would also coincidently run into him several times at different stores, such as Walgreens, and say Hi back. Believe it or not, even though we were only in 5th grade, rumors flew everywhere and random people started asking me why I was hanging out with "the bad boy," aka "the trouble maker." I was so confused because I did not see what they all saw, yet I became scared, which became an excuse not to "hang out" with this boy anymore. The talks that we had during recess and the Hi's in the stores gradually ended until he completely vanished out of my life; thus, recreating my own unspoken "cooties" theory to be afraid of "hanging out" with boys.

Growing up, I remember another factor that added to this "cooties" theory-- my parents. Of course, they wanted to ensure my safety, and wanted what was best for me. I learned by myself that I shouldn't talk to boys and that I shouldn't talk about boys to my parents or hell would break loose. It's not that they didn't trust me... they just didn't trust boys around me. I agreed with them... until I had a major crush on someone in middle school. :-p

OK, so this huge crush I had in middle school semi-changed everything. I wanted so badly to talk to my crush but I would find myself completely frozen and stupid, whenever he was around. It was as if he was some sort of living paralyzer. (You should've seen the horror, when he was in my classes)! But, there was still a large portion in me who unintentionally reacted highly negatively towards boys; especially if they showed ANY affection towards me.

For example... there was this nice guy in middle school who out of a blue asked me out. I freaked because everyone in class surrounded us, waiting anxiously for my response. It was a minute or two before the bell rang for end of the day activities... so when the bell rang, everyone had to leave, so eventually he and I left without an answer. It was 5 minutes later that the whole 7th grade class found out what had happened. I was completely paralyzed by all the questions from everyone. Some of what I felt, is explained in the poem "Unspoken Apologies." It was horribly bad, not only did kids teased him asking him "why would phuc want to go out with YOU?!" but I made things worse by not really talking to him, or freaking out whenever he talked to me. That was one of my biggest regrets in my life. The following year, he disappeared out of my life.

Then there's this kid who had a crush on me... it seems as though it has been a 6 years crush. (From 6th grade until he disappeared on the face of the earth). It was 6th grade when this kid kept randomly coming up to me, smiling and saying hi. He was a stranger and I was confused. A good friend of his broke the news to me one day during lunch, that this stranger liked me. My reaction was "NO HE DOESN'T!" She asked, "Why do you say that?" I replied, "'cus no one likes me..." She uncomfortably said, "Oh..." The rest of the lunch break, we sat there in silence uncomfortably as it slowly burned in my skull that this stranger surely had a thing for me.

I was PURE EVIL. Have you ever had one of those nightmare that you confess your love to this wonderful crush, and in the end he/she completely humiliatingly rejects you all the way to the moon? Well, I could shamingly say that I was one of those rejectors. This stranger that I mentioned, started appearing everywhere... hovering around every lunch period that I go to, hovering outside the lavatories that I went to, and outside my classes. No matter how hard I tried to avoid him-- he was always there! His friends, ALSO STRANGERS, kept saying hi to me and knew my name. Eventually, (kids, do not try this at home), I freaked out somewhere in high school, made it clear to people that he was a stalker, and MY BAD-- I think my words eventually came across his massive group of friends... who I think, didn't favor me anymore. ooooooo that went bad. I referred to him as "Stalker Boy." He also eventually disappeared out of my life also--(either dropped out, or night school).

There was also the notorious "Hair Boy" with a bad reputation to the whole school. He WAS my friend... he had this fetish with all my fuzzy clothes where he HAD to feel them. When he told me he liked me... I felt uncomfortable.. eventually ignored him completely. He loved my hair down so I would purposely wear it up. I would do whatever I could to wear him off. That's how bad I was. I'm not sure if I added to his frustration that caused him to transfer to another school. He too eventually disappeared out of my life. {Notice how they all just "disappear"... not necessarily a good thing if everyone "disappears" from you...}

It was not just high school... it was every single unlucky boy that crossed my path who dared to show any sign of affection-- from the day I stepped foot on my elementary school, until the day I, for the first time, confessed how I felt, face to face, to my crush in college. Okie... I have to tell you that I have had quite a few bizarre encounters with creepy weird ones.. from Stalker Boy to a kid I named Chicken Surgeon--uh... maybe I'll save all those stories for another story... It probably explains why I've always been freakdafied by guys. As unpleasant as some of them were, I do regret the way I treated them.

But anyways.. This dude that I confessed my feelings for, changed how I should react to guys. Because of him, I realized how I should've treated others as well as he treated me when I confessed. Even though it was a bad timing to even tell him that I liked him, he treated me with the greatest respect. He told me me that some day, I will find someone who will be there for me, who will sweep me off my feet. He continued with this lovely scenario of what will happen to me with love. I felt as if he was telling me a fairy tale with me as a main character with the one I will love. Because of that... I've came to a point where I did a lot of thinking and figured that I should be more like this dude and not so much of super defense mechanismness all the time.

From there on, I still got bizarre encounters with dudes, but this time, I've given them chances instead of giving them their worst case nightmarish rejecting scenario. Along the way, one of them have found me and finally has made his way into my space bubble. I think this dude might be the one!

***** Moral of the story is... *****
if your experiences are similar to mine... my advice is to let down my gaurd, and ease your defense mechanisms. (Yes... that means holding back the urge to kick them in the nutz!) Even if you've had unpleasant encounters, it doesn't mean that all encounters would be so unpleasant, weird, or creepy. Just give them a chance to prove that they aren't some creepy weirdo and maybe you'll find true love. Once you've trusted someone enough to let him/her in your space bubble, it's this wonderful feeling that you have found your cootie shot!